Cindy Anne MacKenzie committed suicide on March 26, 2010. She was 38 years old. We had been together for 16 years but separated at the time of her death. She was the mother of our 2 daughters. These are the notes I took during our separation. There are many more. It’s painful to read them – even after all this time has passed.
I took them in a desperate attempt to protect myself and my children. I spent every single day worried that she would manage to have them taken from me. Writing them down was also a way to calm my mind and sanity. At least when I read them I knew I wasn’t going insane. There were many days when it felt like it.
What you are about to read is raw and unedited.
October 2006 – CFS allows Cindy to have unsupervised access with the kids again
October 2006-Nov 2006 – Cindy is suicidal and spends 6 weeks at Homewood
Feb 2007 – Cindy returns to work working days
Juneish – Cindy returns to shift work
Jan 2008 – Cindy is finding shift work incredibly hard and goes to the court officer job.
Jan 31, 2008 – Cindy stops working due to stress and goes on Short Term disability
Feb – Cindy tells me she wants to die. I call the mental health clinic
Week of July 7 – the kids have been in full-time day care for a long time. Cindy was not able to care for them. She decides that she is ready to take them 3 days a week and have them in day care for 2 days. For a few weeks prior to that she had been taking one of them every once in a while.
July 14 – the kids spend 3 days in day care
July 21 – the kids spend 3 days in day care
July 27-Aug 1 – In Denver spends approx $1300. $700 immediately after we discuss our financial situation.
August 6 – Cindy is supposed to begin long term disability
August 7 – we go to joint counseling. Bad experience. Cindy talks about the following incident. Earlier in the week Cindy tells me that she has a psychiatrist appointment August 7th at 1 pm. During the afternoon of the 6th I start to feel very sick and go to bed around 7:30. I wake up in the morning at 9 feeling very sick and I hear Cindy telling the kids that she has to hop in the shower because she has an appointment at 9:30 with a friend. I tell her that I thought she had a Dr. appointment at 1 and she tells me that she made a mistake and she actually is meeting her friend at 9:30. I tell her I’m too sick to take care of the kids and that she’ll have to reschedule or find someone to watch them.
In our counseling appointment she tells the counselors that it was very convenient of me to get sick and that she believed I was faking so she couldn’t go to her appointment. I pointed out that I had gotten sick the day before and I didn’t know she had an appt. until 30 minutes before it so how could I have possibly planned to screw it up. Again – it may be nothing but I’m seeing a similar pattern to 2 years ago when everything was twisted around to have a negative slant on it where I am the enemy.
August 16 – Goes to auction and spends $880. I ask her if she is taking her medication and she tells me it’s none of my business. I press her on it as I have not seen any around the house and she tells me her doctor has taken her off Lithium and put her on another medication. I ask to see it and she tells me it’s none of my business. I cut her off our credit card as I can’t allow her to bankrupt us – I’ve been through this all already. She still has full access to our chequing account.
August 18 – I press again about the medication. I tell her that I just want to see the pill bottle so I know she is taking something. I tell her if I she doesn’t show me that I will have no choice but to go for custody of the children should we divorce. She tells me to call her doctor which I point out is absurd as her doctor won’t tell me anything. She then tells me I need to see a psychiatrist and that I should call hers for an appointment – which is makes little sense as she knows you need a referral. I just don’t understand why she won’t just show me the medication to make things easier on both of us and the kids. She opens her own bank account and transfers 1000 out of it. I tell her she can’t do this as we have joint obligations. Our loan payment bounces – ironically enough the loan payment that is made up in large part by the accumulated debt of her period of mania a few years ago.
August 19 – She tells my mother she is not bipolar and her psychiatrist, family doctor and counselor have all agreed to this. My mom is adamant that I don’t share this with her so Cindy keeps the lines of communication open. When I come home I question her about her medication again and reiterate the part about getting custody of the kids and how much I don’t want to do this. She then tells me she is not bipolar and her health care team has all agreed. I ask her if she’s not bipolar why is she on medication and what possible reason would she have for being on long term disability. She tells me it’s none of my business. I also ask her to explain all her previous behaviours – the mania, spending, depression, suicidal feelings. She tells me she was under a lot of stress at the time. She also tells my mother that I will bring the kids up this weekend and she is not going to come because I am refusing to let her go. This is patently untrue. She told me earlier in the week that she was going to a Yoga retreat on upcoming weekend and so I said I’d take the kids to North Bay to visit my parents. She then changed her mind so I asked her if she’d rather I stay to which she replied yes and maybe we can find some way of spending time with the kids separately so I said Ok. The next thing I heard was that I was going to North Bay and refusing to let her go.
August 20th – Cindy has been telling the kids that we’re going to paint their rooms. So last night she decided after Chloe asked again that we would do it. I didn’t see the point as we’re probably moving from the house anyway. Cindy was absolutely adamant that it get done that night. I told her there is no way, starting at 7 it would get done and she accuses me of being negative and argumentative. We move some of the stuff out and I tape the room and take the screws out etc. I tell her I need to go get drywall compound to fill the holes and she says she is going to start painting. I suggest that she wait until I patch all the holes and she gets angry and tells me I’m being a jerk and she’s going to start. When I come home Bailey, the neighbor kid is over and she has not started painting. I patch the holes and then Cindy asks me if I want to get a movie. I said, “I thought we had to paint” and she tells me that she doesn’t want to do it without Chloe being able to participate. Fine but what changed? She then decides we’re going to paint Melody’s room. So I patch that up and move everything else. By this time it’s close to 10pm. I have to work in the morning so I go downstairs to watch TV before I fall asleep. A few minutes later Cindy comes down and angrily asks me to go upstairs so she and Bailey can watch TV as though that had all been made clear to me. I thought she was going to paint! I woke up in the morning and Cindy had a horrible night’s sleep and no painting was done. I only illustrate these points because she often seems to think erratically. It may be nothing. I can’t tell any more. Cindy also tells me that she wants me to go to her psychiatrist with her. I say I would like that for my own peace of mind and I hope she’s telling the truth about not being bipolar.
August 21st – Cindy’s auction cheque clears and the combination of that, the money she transfers causes a loan payment (ironically enough primarily from the accumulated debt from previous manic episode) to bounce. She blames me for this as I should have known to have enough in the account. I tell her she can deal with it with the bank and she accuses me of being mean and a bully. Cindy actually gets paid from work. I was pretty sure she wasn’t supposed to but I don’t ask about it.
August 22-24 – Take the kids to North Bay. Cindy stays home although she tells my mother that I refused to allow her to come which is absolutely false.
August 29 (evening) – September 1 – take the kids to my parents in North Bay. Cindy doesn’t call the kids at all.
September 1 – I return from North Bay around 1:30pm. Around 5 Cindy is upset and she asks me if I still love her. I tell her of course I still love her. She asks if I want a divorce. I say that I can’t see any alternative at that point but that I worry greatly about her having to go back to work full time and what happens should she become depressed again. She nods her head and looks sad and it makes me feel terrible. Later that night she is very agitated and tells me I’m morally bankrupt, only care about myself and my cock and that I’m selfish and mean and that she carried me financially our whole relationship and that now that she has no money I’m cutting her off. I explain again that she has full access to our bank account and that as long as we’re together that won’t change.
September 3 – Cindy suggests I take the kids away for the weekend because people are going to be painting. I tell her I’ll take them to our friends Dave and Shannon in London and she agrees that’s a good idea.
September 4 – Tonight was a relatively good night. We fill out some paperwork for Chloe’s school and discuss how we want the best for the kids and that we’ll work together. I tell her that she doesn’t have to worry about her Yoga instructor training and she tells me that she’ll be accommodating when I have to travel for work. I find out I have to leave for Michigan Sunday at noon returning later on Monday for work.
September 5 – Chloe and Mel ask to watch TV before school. Cindy says no and Melly says – Daddy and Grandma let me watch TV. Cindy gets very agitated and tells me she doesn’t want to be the bad guy because she’s the only one that doesn’t let them watch TV before school? Incredulous I ask her to even attempt to name a time that I have ever let them do that and a time that my Mom has been the one to send them to school. I know Cindy is planning to go to talk to her Staff Sgt. and discuss going back to work. I’m worried for her and call her to tell her that and she said she really appreciated it. It was nice. I come home and Cindy accuses me of stealing her journal and the mail key so I can filter the mail. I say this is not true at all and I don’t know where the mail key is but that our tenant has one and she can get it from him anytime. I go get it from him and get the mail and give it to her. Based on the fact that I have done these things she tells me she is no longer taking the “high road”. She also accuses me of hiding the fact that she was paid on September 21st. I tell her that she has full access to the bank account and had full ability to find out for herself. Her spending indicated that she knew she was getting paid. She then tells me that she wants me to take the kids to Dave and Shannon Van Noten’s for the whole weekend as she doesn’t want to be around me. I call Dave and he tells me that he has a tight deadline for a work contract and needs tonight to work. I tell Cindy I’m staying and she accuses me of wanting to stay because I’m sick and twisted. She goes to the neighbors with the kids and comes back without them. I ask her where they are and she goes, “Hmmm – you don’t know where your kids are – maybe I should document that”. She then tells me that Cherilynn is a better person to be with than me as she doesn’t just let them watch TV – I ask her if she seriously is trying to say that’s what I do and she doesn’t respond. She then tells me that I am going to Dave and Shannon’s in order to get out of doing the work to get the house ready over the weekend – despite the fact that it was her idea.
I go to Cherliynn’s to get the kids to take them to McDonald’s. Cindy makes no indication she will be coming with us and in fact kisses the kids good bye. I leave to take the kids to McDonalds. While standing in line Chloe sees a friend from school and asks me if she can go say hi – she shows me where she is and I say sure. At that moment Cindy walks in. I do a double take. She comes up and accuses me of letting the kids run all over the restaurant and leaving her at the house. She tells me that she promised Melly she would come. First of all – Mel didn’t say a word about it in the car – had she done so I wouldn’t have left. Secondly – Cindy didn’t say anything to me at all. She then tells me this is the kind of stuff the lawyer said I would do and I ask her what she meant by that but she doesn’t answer. She leaves without mentioning if she wanted food so I didn’t order her any. We sit down and she is flabbergasted that she I didn’t order anything and leaves me and the kids there. Cindy does not tell me what the end result of her conversation with Staff Sgt. Sweeney was.
September 4 – I leave for Dave and Shannon’s at 10 am. I drop off a package Cindy put together for friends in St. Thomas and proceed to London at arrive at approximately 1 pm. I left my cell phone in the car and we spent the day outside. I checked my phone at 8:25 and saw that Cindy had phoned a few times. I tried to call her back over a period of 5 minutes although the line was busy. We then went into the house. I went to be approximately 9 pm or shortly after. The London police called the Van Noten’s at sometime after that because Cindy had called them to call to check that I was there. Shannon called back and then called Cindy.
September 5 – I leave Dave and Shannon’s at 9 am and arrive home at 11:30. The day was very negative. Cindy accused me numerous times of stealing her journal. She tells me that I am not allowed to paint because I’ll fuck it up and that the 14 year old she has doing it is more of a man than me. This is a theme she has repeated numerous times. She also tells me that it’s unfortunate the girls are stuck with me as a father despite having told me countless times over the years, and as recently as a few days ago that I’m a wonderful father. I’m becoming very concerned that she is going to make false allegations about me. She also criticizes me for leaving to have a great time and getting drunk while she slaves around the house. I remind her that it was her idea for me to take the kids somewhere for the 3rd weekend in a row and that I didn’t get drunk. She responds, “That’s not what I heard.” I tell her that this makes no sense because she could only have heard that from Shannon and that since it didn’t happen Shannon would not have said that. She then tells me that she wants to keep the house. I tell her that we can talk about it but financially I see it as highly unlikely. She then responds that the only reason we need to sell the house is because she trusted me blindly all these years. I have no idea what she could possibly mean by this and ask her to explain and she ignores me.
I leave for an overnight trip to Michigan at 4.
September 8 – I arrive home at 10 pm. Cindy has withdrawn 300 dollars
September 9 – This morning was typically bad. Cindy spent approximately 600 dollars yesterday. When I asked her about it she told me it was none of my business and that I could get the receipts from her lawyer. I asked her about long term disability or going back to work and she told me to talk to her lawyer. So I now have no say and no ability to understand where our money is going. She also saw that the toilet was plugged – blamed me for that and threatened that that was something she should be documenting. I plunged it. She also accused me once again of stealing her journal.
So at this point she will not discuss our finances with me, will not discuss the status of her long term disability nor will she discuss if and when she is going back to work or when the house might be able to sell.
I have begun looking for alternate places to live as well as have contacted another lawyer and have an appointment tomorrow.
September 10 – Meet with lawyer – Peter Parkinson. We are supposed to meet at the doctor at 1:10 so I can hear first hand Cindy’s status as it relates to medication. She misses the appointment which is disturbing. We rebook for September 22nd.
September 11 – Kids at daycare – I drop off and pick up. Cindy tells me that she has to go to work. I ask her where she works as that is news to me. She tells me to talk to her lawyer. I ask her about long term disability and she tells me to talk to her lawyer. She tells me later in the day that
September 12 – Kids at daycare. I drop off and pick up. Cindy at home all day as far as I know. She actually accuses me of hiding money! I find this scary although there is ample banking documentation to support reality. Cindy tells me that she is not going to yoga tonight because I am not capable of handling the kids because I will get drunk. I tell that she should do whatever it is she needs to do. She then decides she is going to leave at 3 am and return that night (4 hour drive each way). Cindy gives me a task list – I tell her that I am going to spend the day putting the kids rooms back together as they have been upside down for 4 weeks. Cindy begins putting the kid’s rooms together at midnight and stops around 4 am. I ask her numerous times to please be quiet and she tells me off.
September 14 – I look at a potential house. Cindy got no sleep so she cancels this first yoga weekend.
September 15 – I look at another house. I leave for New York. Cindy spends 935 dollars and does not let me know. Cindy starts back to work.
September 16 – our loan payment for our consolidation loan bounces – again. The same thing happened last month. I call Cindy in a panick and tell her that this has to stop. She is not getting paid yet and our line of credit is rapidly approaching the limit. It’s at 15000 (limit 20000) and we owe 3k for mediation, 1k for daycare and 800 gas bill)
September 17 – Cindy spends 700 dollars at Winners and Shopper’s drug mart. She also tells me that I need to get my paperwork from my lawyer before the mediator. I can’t understand why she can’t understand the process that I have explained so many times already. I email the mediator (attached) to ask for more specifics about the timeline.
September 18 – I realize the payment bounces and work it out with Syndenham. I also ask them to take the lien off the Ford Taurus in so Cindy can sell it – I have told her she can keep the proceeds. Cindy tells me that I don’t care about the girl’s well-being. I call Cindy to explain the mediators timeline in specifics.
September 19 – Cindy withdraws 300 dollars. In the evening Cindy tells me that I don’t care about anything that is going on and that she wishes the girls had a better father. I talk to the girls and tell them I’ll be home tomorrow. Cindy is very upset and tells me how hard getting the kids to school, going to work and being under the microscope and keeping the house clean enough to show is. She tells me how exhausted she is. I can really feel for her but I also can’t help thinking that’s going to be her life 50% of the time and I worry about whether she can do it. Her standards are exceptionally high and her time management skills and ability to focus are really poor.
September 20 – Chloe calls me in the morning while I’m at the airport and asks me for sausages and pancakes. I tell her I’ll be home later but we can have them on Sunday. Cindy gets on the phone and says – I thought you were getting home yesterday. I point out that I was always scheduled to come home on Saturday and every night she has heard me say, “3 more sleeps…2 more sleeps”. She hangs up. She calls me back and this is when things get worse. She starts nonchalantly telling me about the fact that she has talked to Carolynn about becoming a nanny for her because it would be better if she could work 6-2.
Because we have ALWAYS talked about completely joint custody, I can’t understand why Carolyn would quit her job at the day care to work so few hours as Cindy’s nanny. Cindy becomes extremely agitated and tells me that we agreed she would have them during the week and I would have them every second weekend. I am beyond flabbergasted and try to reason with her but honestly I don’t know what to say. This demonstrates such a fundamentally poor grip on reality I actually am speechless.
The last I heard Carolynn had real fears for her personal safety from an ex husband that has threatened her life and just got out of prison.
Cindy claims that the kids don’t get up until 7:30 and they need to sleep and it’s not fair that I wake them up. I attempt to point out to her that I have take the kids to day care and school 95% of the time over the past 2 years and that is completely untrue. Chloe gets up at 6:30 and Melody at 7. Which works perfectly with my schedule
The idea that I have or would ever agree to such an absurd arrangement is crazy. I am not going to discuss it with her but I will fight to my last dollar for at least joint custody
She then chastises me for not doing anything about my lawyer. I tell her again that mediation is scheduled for October 6th. She tells me that we need our separation agreement finalized before we go to mediation. I explain to her AGAIN that the whole purpose of the mediation process was to end up with a separation agreement. She tells me she doesn’t want to wait. I say fine – if we are now not going to mediation and through lawyers that’s what we’ll have to do. She then tells me that she has only bought a few things for the house and I am an asshole for always criticizing her about money and she is using her credit card for her lawyer. Cindy tells me I need therapy.
She also tells me that she wants to keep the house and if she has to buy me out she will. I am through talking with her about this. If she can find the means more power to her and she can keep pretty much everything in the house as far as I am concerned. She will need to buy me out but we have so many debts this just seems totally unrealistic.
I arrive home at 11:30 and take the kids to lunch, a movie and the park so Cindy can show the house. It’s really disappointing how much she openly undermines me in front of the kids.
I also realize that now that she is back to work there is not much chance she will make it to her doctor’s appointment that we rescheduled for September 22nd. I’ve decided that I am going to speak to her doctor about her behaviour. I know that Cindy is going to take that as me trying to sabotage her which it isn’t. Possibly I’m misreading everything because our relationship is so bad but it’ so similar to 2-3 years ago I have to. I am also not going to push her any more regarding the medication – I guess I’ll have to deal with that through the lawyer. I pray for her sake that she doesn’t need medication but that if she does she is compelled to start taking it.
I tell her I need to go look at a place tomorrow. She gets very upset and tells me that it would be nice if she had time to go look. I tell her she can go anytime and she tells me that she doesn’t need my permission. I tell her obviously she doesn’t need my permission I was offering cooperation.
September 22-26 -Cindy works late every night. I am sympathetic to this as I understand she is trying to do a good job and she feels very much as though she has to prove herself. We get an offer on our house. Cindy informs me that she doesn’t want to sell the house. This is extremely upsetting news for me as there are a few properties I would like to put an offer on and this precludes me from doing it. I also feel taken advantage of as Cindy spent a tremendous amount of money on painting and home repairs under the pretense of getting ready for sale. I was against this all along and now she decides to keep it. It wasn’t fair to make me pay for this when I will not even be living in the house. I have no objection to her keeping the house – in fact I think it would be better for the kids. I don’t believe she’ll be able to afford and it will end up being sold regardless. She will be taking on a staggering debt load when buying out my portion of the equity is considered. I will offer her a more than fair financial offer.
September 24 – Cindy and I had been having discussions about the upcoming week as I had to be away at an offsite meeting. She wanted Chloe back for the following Friday, September 3 for school. My take was that it was just an extra day of SK and that logistically it didn’t make sense. Plus I knew practically that she wouldn’t be able to pick them up anyway. She agrees that it makes sense that I take them up Saturday. Cindy actually accuses me of transferring her extra pay on August 21st out of the account. She is oblivious the fact that she spent it.
September 25 – Cindy calls me during the day to tell me I might as well take the kids up today as she wants to work late anyway. This is fine with me. I take the kids to North Bay
September 28-October 1stnd –I am away at an offsite meeting. I leave the morning of October 2nd to return to North Bay – I day early – as Melody is sick. I arrive around 2pm on Thursday.
October 3 – I return to Orangeville with the kids at about 3:30. Cindy returns from work at 5:30. Her sister and friend arrive from Chatham unannounced at around 6. I’m not sure if Cindy had planned this or not but she never mentioned it to me. I can’t see them driving 3 hours without previously arranging it. Cindy spends a long time upstairs talking to them. She hasn’t seen the kids for more than a week. We are watching a movie. At 7 I decide I am going to go watch a movie. I leave. I end up having supper at the restaurant around the corner and return at 9:30. I go to bed shortly thereafter. Cindy accuses me of being stoned.
Cindy tells me on this day that she has transferred 1000 into my account. I cheque the bank records and see that in fact she transferred 1000 out of our account and also withdrew 500 at the instant teller. This caused the day care cheque to bounce. I tell her about this and she tells me that no…she transferred 1000 dollars into my account. I show her the bank records and she realizes that she actually did transfer money out of our account.
October 4 – Cindy goes to brunch with a friend. She makes no mention whatsoever about the fact that she plans to go to work. Her company is here although to be fair I think Cindy assumed they were leaving. I take the kids to the gym and to get a few movies. I was surprised when the company still here. So we hang out. I thought she would be back around 11 am. She returns at 4. Cindy’s friend forgot her methadone and was having a difficult time. Cindy gets a neighbor to come over with some pot and tells me I should smoke it with them so her company feels comfortable. I’m not in any way suggesting I was coerced. I just thought it was strange that she was initiating it. Neither of us has smoked pot with any frequency at all for months.
October 6 – In response to the banking situation of October 3rd Cindy transfers 500 dollars back into the account. So, she tries to transfer 1000 from her to me but actually transfers 1000 from me to her. Then withdraws another 500 in cash at the same time and then transfers 500 back to me.
October 9 – Cindy leaves for work around 7 and returns at approximately 9:30 – after the kids are in bed
October 10 – Cindy leaves for work at 6:30 returns around 10pm according to her. We are sleeping so I don’t hear her come in.
October 11 – I ask Cindy where she was – not really caring – just curious – and she tells me she went for coffee and bought a light at Harmony Whole Foods that is supposed to simulate natural light. I check the bank account and see that she spent 700 dollars there. This is the last straw as we now do not have enough to cover the day care chequing – which has already bounced once. I move all the money in a chequing account that she can’t access it. Our line of credit is now maxed out.
Cindy asks me what I want to do with the kids today as it’s the first day of a 3 day weekend. She asks if I want to take them in the morning and she’ll do something in the afternoon. I tell her that it’s fine with me. I take the kids to Belfountain Cons cervation area at 9 and return at approximately 12:30. I put the kids down to nap and Cindy lays down as well. Chloe doesn’t sleep.
I take her to go grocery shopping. We get pizza and a movie to watch later. We come home and Melody is up. We start the movie and about 2/3 of the way through it Cindy comes down and falls asleep on the couch. I take the kids to the corner store and we walk through the forest.
We put them in the shower and Cindy tells them she’ll wash their hair. She doesn’t do it as she goes down to send emails. I wash their hair and we put them to bed.
October 12 – We get up and I make the kids breakfast. I take them to Wal-Mart and then to McDonald’s for lunch. Cindy tells the kids we’re going to have a turkey dinner (We decide on chicken as its easier). We put the kids down but they don’t sleep so they play. The guy that painted the house comes over and I run to the grocery store to grab the chicken and some fruit. I return 30 minutes later and Cindy has been outside talking the the painter the whole time. I ask the kids if she has been inside at all and they say no. Of course they’re kids so I have no way of knowing if that is true or not. I don’t bother raising it. About 2 hours (approximately 4) later Cindy decides she’s going to WalMart. She leaves and tells me that she’ll be back shortly and not to start supper without her. She then calls and says the time alone is good for her headache and to have supper without her. She returns at 8 after the kids were in bed.
She asks me if I will be around on Tuesday night as she’s not going to be here. I say sure and don’t bother asking where she is going to be. She accuses me of being gone for 6.5 hours the previous Friday night and coming home stoned. I try to point out that I was gone for just over 2 hours and that I was not stoned but she’s not interested in listening. I suggest she call her friends to see how long I was gone as if I left at 7 and was gone for 6 hours I would have been home at 1. The kids were still awake when I came home.
October 13 – she is adamant that I can’t be trusted alone with the kids and wants to know what I am doing the following weekend. I am torn as I am tired of this insane blackmail but also want to avoid as many potential troubles as possible. She also alludes to something about random drug testing. I think what she is getting at is that she can have random drug testing be part of any custody agreement. I start to think she has set me up somehow last weekend when her friend was here although I have a hard time believing that was her intention. Regardless I tell her to go ahead as I have no fears of passing.
She will be going to her monthly yoga retreat for her training.
She also threatens that she doesn’t have to work and if she chooses to be a stay at home mom I’ll be supporting her and the kids. This is the 3rd or 4th time she has alluded to this.
Afterwards things are better and she tells me very frankly how poorly things are going at work. She has been in a yelling match with one her Sergeants who told her to get her shit together. She has had numerous confrontations with people causing one employee to leave the office. I’m sure she is trying to do a good job but she demonstrates her anger management issues at work as well. She tells me that she would like to go in this weekend to get some stuff done but she can’t because I have told her she doesn’t spend enough time with the kids. I’m not threatening her – I just wish when she was home and not working she would spend more time with the kids.
She tells me I am not much of a father and the kids deserve better. This kind of stuff just rolls of my back at this point.
I finally relent and tell her I will take the kids to my parents despite the fact that I feel as though I am being blackmailed. It’s just not a fight I want to have at the moment. She also tells me that she would like to go to a weekend women’s retreat the weekend of November 8-9 and that her November yoga training is the following weekend.
I should mention that Cindy has accused me of hiding the home phone handsets numerous times. I try to get her to explain to me what I would gain by doing that. She can go buy a new phone any time. At least one handset was there prior to my leaving at July 26 and it was not there when I returned. I have to assume the kids have put them somewhere and that they are in the house. They have been doing that with her cellphone.
Cindy naps for 3 hours.
October 17 – I drop the kids off and pick them up. Mention the part about her and the shower thing at 5 am.
October 18 – Cindy returns from work at 10. She doesn’t see the kids that day other than for a few minutes in the morning.
October 17 – 19. I take the kids to North Bay while Cindy goes to a yoga training weekend. She returns at 10 pm Sunday night. After the kids are in bed.
October 20 – I drop off and arrive late as I signed the lease. Cindy comes down bawling asking me if I am going to make her look crazy and take the kids from her. I tell her that I only want joint custody. She doesn’t believe me. It was pretty upsetting actually. I didn’t realize she was actually worried about that. I also tell her that I worry about her trying to do that every day.
October 21 – I drop off and pick up. I sent Cindy an email letting her know the kids love her to try to get her to stop worrying about me taking them away from her. Below is the thread:
Thank-you – even though you infuriate me – it means a lot that you never question the importance of the girls to me and their muma to them. I didn’t know a kind of love like that existed. Sometimes you scare the $hit out of me. They are my everything. Having said that – even though you don’t know everything, you know well enough how important a father let alone a man who try’s to be a good father is in a kids life, when she’s little, when she’s growing up and when she herself is a mom – it never stops. I can imagine how wonderful that must be.
I want you to be a good man for you. You have the potential to be the most amazing person I know. I want you to be a good man for them. We owe so much to them. I could never rob any kid from a parent who genuinely wants to be loving and present. Especially our girls. You know that. What an amazing gift a parent is. That shared unconditional love between a child and their parent – wow. The girls bring out the best in us.
When I feel like I just want to flush you down the toilet (that backed up again – and do not cancel the plumber on me again – I digress ) when I feel that way about you – sometimes I think of your Dad and your Mom – you grew up with some great role modeling for loving parents. Without sounding too b!tchy here – I think you were just too spoiled – not your fault – not theirs either – you just were – are – by everybody. I refuse to be my angry mother – or so I tell myself – I do yoga, I meditate, I chant and still I want to flush you down the blessed toilet a great deal of the time – but maybe that spoiling is good for something – you have no tolerance for any crap from them – that’s good. Try not to be the Dad that pulls up in the Ferrari and makes me look bad – like how my office isn’t nearly one one hundredth as shiny and airy and Jetsons and friendly as yours. That’s my own ego and insecurity talking there – but it matters – not now so much but soon enough – they will see, they will care about money and all that comes with it. I will always do fine but we both know you are just getting started. Try not to make me look bad along the way.
From: Mackenzie, Jason
Because you don’t need to worry about what we talked about last night.
From: Mackenzie, Cindy (JUS) To: Mackenzie, Jason Sent: Tue Oct 21 09:05:19 2008 Subject: RE:
WOW – where did that come from?
From: Mackenzie, Jason [mailto:JMackenzie@cosma.com] Sent: October 21, 2008 8:01 AM To: Mackenzie, Cindy (JUS) Subject:
The girls love you so much. Jay
October 22nd – I drop off and pick up
October 23rd – I drop the kids off at school. I return home at 7. I worked late in because I knew I would lose most of the morning the next day. The girls are still up when I get home. I read them a few stories and put them to bed. Putting them to bed is a disaster and Cindy can be very undermining. Despite agreeing that the kids finally need to start sleeping in their own bed the moment they start crying she runs in and lets them sleep in her bed after I specifically told them they would be spending the night in their own beds
October 24 – I take Melody to day care and take Chloe to her school to get her school pictures retaken. Cindy leaves for work around 6:30 am.
Cindy emails my mom stating that it’s going to be hard when I move out to be without the kids every second weekend and the odd day during the week. My mother lets me know this so I email Cindy and tell her that we have always agreed to 50-50 and that if she tries to change that I will fight to get them half the time.
—–Original Message—– From: Mackenzie, Jason Sent: Friday, October 24, 2008 9:25 AM To: ‘email@example.com’ Subject: Kids
Chloe’s picture went great. She looked beautiful.
I want to make sure you understand my position on joint custody. That means 50-50 with willingness to help each other out when necessary. It’s not you have them most of the time and I get them occasionally during the week and every second weekend. Having them 50 percent of the time is something I will fight for.
I really want this crappy process to be fair and and amicable.
Meet with lawyer to review financial information. Ball is now in Cindy’s court.
I pick the kids up from school at 4 after leaving early. I take them to get a movie and they play outside while I bbq supper. Afterwards we begin to watch the movie. Cindy returns from work at 6 and immediately goes to the shower without even coming down to say hi to the kids. She looks very agitated. She stays in the shower for 45 minutes and after a while comes down dressed to exercise and says she is going for a run
October 27 – drop off and pick up at day care. Cindy returns home at 6:45 and goes to bed at 7:15. Chloe wakes up at 5 am and Cindy puts her in the shower for 45 minutes. I come upstairs and ask her why in the world she would do that. Cindy replies – she woke up. I said she woke up because you are waking up at 4:45 and walking in and out of your room that you are letting them sleep in. I take Chloe out of the shower and put her in her own bed and she obviously falls asleep immediately.
October 28 – Drop off and Cindy picked up. I had to stay late. Chloe wakes up at 4:45 and Chloe wakes up shortly after. Cindy again puts her in the shower. I ask her why she is doing this and she actually tries to tell me that Chloe is waking up on her own so it’s Ok. I tell her that kids don’t get up at 5 am for the day. Ours have never done that and as a parent she needs to tell her to go back to bed.
October 29 – Cindy brings Chloe down at 5:30 with wet hair to sleep with me downstairs. I have no idea how long she has been in the shower. I can’t stand that she is doing this. Chloe is so tired in the evening. I drop off and pick up at day care. Pick up keys to house.
October 31st – I drop off the kids and my parents arrive and pick up the kids. We do Halloween and stay in the house for the last evening
November 1st – My parents and I spend the day at the house getting as much set up as possible. My parents leave in the afternoon
November 2nd – Cindy brings the kids over and they spend the next few days with me
November 3rd – Cindy transfers 1000 dollars into my account. She also gives me the rent cheque for her tenant for 750.
November 8 – Me and the kids meet Cindy for breakfast at McDonald’s. It’s civil and actually kind of nice. I ask her what she wants to do about the phone, cable and TV and that if we call at the same time it can be transferred into her name. She says she’s not sure what she wants to do and asks me to give her a few days. I say sure. She hugs me when she leaves. I tell her I want to take the kids swimming later in the day. We go to Walmart to look for bathing suits but there are none so I call Cindy and ask if I can come over to pick them up. Swimming is from 12:30-2. She tells me she’ll meet me at the house. I show up at 12:30 but she is not there. I wait until 12:45 and go to Shoppers Drug Mart where I think she is. I tell her that it would be nice if she had shown up on time as by the time I go back there, get the suits and get the kids changed it won’t be worth going swimming.
November 9 – Drop the kids off at Cindy’s at noon. Despite the fact that that’s when she told me to drop them off she is quite angry that I didn’t call her first. I tell her I did call her shortly before and left her a message.
November 10 – I ask Cindy what she wants to do about the phone, TV etc and she says she wants to cancel the TV but asks for more time.
November 12th – I ask Cindy about the phone, TV etc. again and she tells me she is still not sure what she wants to do but will get back to me tomorrow.
November 13 – We both get paid. I ask Cindy for money to be transferred into my account to support our joint bills. She responds saying she gave me 1750. I point out that this doesn’t even cover the mortgage and property taxes of our house much less: my rent, day care, consolidation loan, car loan for the car she is driving, line of credit etc. She tells me she needs to think about it and will get back to me tomorrow. I believe she is truly unaware of our financial situation despite repeated attempts to explain it over the years.
I ask about the phone etc. again and Cindy tells me once more that she’ll let me know what she wants to do tomorrow.
I receive this email at 8:56 pm after I had gone to bed from Cindy
I’ve hired a nanny- her Name is Wendy. She and the girls got a long great. Wendy was a live in Nanny for two years with a couple who were teachers She is from the Philippians – she was a physiotherapist there but wants a better life for her and her family and once she gets her citizenship she will bring them here to Canada. Her references were wonderful -she is very loving and has a 5 yr old boy of her own in the Philippians. Great references. Wanted to keep her on for a house cleaner part time – couldn’t justify a live in nanny when all three kids are now full time in school. Wendy moves in Sunday. You can bring the girls here Sunday night at 6 pm. I gave notice at Sandbox tec.
I receive this email at 5:56 am
The girls seems to be transitioning into the changes we’ve made pretty smoothly. Sanbox tec is a good day care but it doesn’t fit our lives for now. Initially I didn’t like the idea of another big change for the girls. I think having at home care, a nanny is a good change for all of us. Today is the girls last day at Sandbox tec .
I thought it was best to let the change of day care be low key – so when I talk about it to them I just spoke of it as “we will have Wendy at our house more often so I don’t have to wake you up so early or so often – Wendy will be here so you can sleep more in the mornings and not have to stay late and Sanbox tec when Muma and Daddy are at work and you get more stay at home/play days. We will visit our friends at Sandbox tec sometimes.
Chloe’s bus picks her up at the corner o Alder and Abby – two scool busses pick up/drop off there –so there are a lot of kids & parents. busses go there so it’s actual time for pick up is 8:08 – they just ask us to be there for 8. I have block training so I can’t be there. You can bring Chloe there for her bus pick up and Wendy will be there to pick up Melly.
Although you were opposed to the idea when I brought it up a couple months ago. You didn’t have anything to say about it a couple of weeks ago. So I think you think it’s a good idea too. I hope so. I interviewed her here at the house for a few hours. She’s a wonderful person. She’s come over to visit and for dinner last week.
I will check my cell when I can at work today – and I will cal you if you like. I cannot be spoken to about getting personal e-mails and personal calls. I don’t know what time I will get out of the office today. I might be able to leave early – we have a cadet now that is taking over some of the stuff I am glad to pass on to him. I will be at Still Point until Sunday afternoon and will check my cell there. It would be nice if you called Still Point before the girls bed time.
Naturally I am very upset by this. It’s not that she hired a nanny. I understand why she did that for herself. She has a difficult time getting herself to work on time and over the past few years has had very little experience with getting herself and the kids ready in the morning. The issue is that she only mentioned in passing that she had decided to get a nanny via an email. No timing was discussed and she certainly didn’t let me know it was something she was moving ahead with.
I call her and leave her a message telling her that she can’t give notice at Sandbox Tech without consulting me first. How can we have that type of relationship? It needs to be a joint decision. I bring the kids to day care and tell them that in fact that the kids won’t be leaving Sandbox Tech. The day care worker tells me that Cindy gave their 2 weeks’ notice 2 weeks ago and that their spots have been given away. I was so angry and flabbergasted I didn’t know how to react. I had talked to Cindy numerous times and even had breakfast with her and the kids the previous Saturday and she chose not to mention that she had given their notice. Cindy showed up at the day care when I was still there and I confronted her asking her how she could possibly have done this. She told me that she had to do what was right for her because she can’t count on me or my parents. She then cut off the conversation and left for work.
I called her and told her that I understand why she wants a nanny on her days with the kids but I believe Sandbox Tech is an excellent place for them as well. They have been there for 2 years, their friends are there and it’s obviously a good program for them. I tell her that if I need to take measures to prevent her from making these unilateral decisions I will.
I meet with Peter Parkinson to review the financial statement and made some changes and he promised to forward to me on Monday via email for review. I need to get his separation over with as soon as possible because since Cindy is not contributing anywhere near her portion it’s financially unsustainable. I also inform him of Cindy’s unilateral decision about the day care.
I take the kids to North Bay that evening and Cindy goes away to Yoga training for the weekend. I call Sandbox Tech and leave a message explaining the situation and asking if there is anything they can do.
November 15 – Spend the day in North Bay. Cindy leaves me a message telling me that I agreed to the idea of a nanny a few months ago. She then apologized for the way she went about cancelling the day care without my knowledge but said she didn’t want to have an argument. These 2 statements don’t make sense as if I was supportive of a nanny, what would there be to argue about? She knows well that I have always preferred the kids stay in day care as I think it’s good for them and that they are experiencing enough change at this time.
November 16 – Take the kids to the Santa Claus parade and then return to Orangeville at approximately 5 pm.
November 17 – I call Sandbox Tech at 6:15 and ask if they have room for the kids and they do that day. I tell them I will talk to the owner later in the day to see what can be done. I talk to Cindy and arrange to drop off the kids at 6:30 pm. Wendy, the nanny is there when I drop them off.
I call and cancel the phone, TV and internet at her house. I send her a message letting her know that the phone will be cut off in 2 days and that the internet and satellite will be cut off in 30 days.
I also tell Cindy that there is space in the day care Tuesday and Wednesday. I wasn’t sure if she was planning to take them
November 19 – Cindy has the kids. Parent teacher interviews are cancelled due to the weather on the 19th. This is good because I had to work late that day.
November 20 – This was a very weird day. First of all I call Cindy and ask her if I can pick up the kids on Friday (the next day). Cindy asks why I don’t want to pick them up today and I say I’d really like that. She tells me that they are at home and when I will be there. I tell her that I’ll be there at 5:30. I then log into the bank and see that Cindy’s Yoga cheque for 235 has come out of my account again. I call her and leave her a message telling her this and asking her to put the money back in.
She calls me on my way home and asks me what time I am picking up the girls and I repeat 5:30. I then ask her if she got the message about the cheque and there is a long pause and she says, “I don’t know how accommodating I want to be about that.” I ask what that means and she goes on a rant about how I am trying to stick her with the 1500 dollar gas bill, how she is keeping the bbq and freezer at her place, how she is going out of her way to be nice to me and I’m being nothing but mean etc. I try to point out that I only asked her to help out with the gas bill and that I gave her well over a week to decide what she wanted to do with the phone etc. but she wouldn’t give me an answer and that I can’t keep paying both. She then tells me that actually she is sick of accommodating me and that I can pick up the kids at 6:30 and hangs up.
I call her at about 6 and ask her if she thinks it would be better if I pick up the kids tomorrow morning as they usually go to bed around 7 or 7:30. I tell her I’m happy to pick them up tonight but wanted to know what she thought. I also tell her that they have room in the day care tomorrow. She calls me back shortly after and tells me very angrily that I am their father and that no…I will be picking them up at 6:30. She was speaking as though I was trying to get out of picking them up which was totally not the case.
So I go to the grocery store and she calls me and tells me that she is tired of accommodating me and that the kids will be staying home with Wendy tomorrow and that I can pick them up from her house on Friday night. She was screaming at me over the phone and I was asking her what she was so angry about and she hung up on me.
I can’t help thinking she must be realizing that her financial situation is untenable and its causing her a lot of stress. The last time I saw this level of anger was when she was manic a few years ago.
November 21st – Cindy calls me and tells me the kids are at day care which surprises me as she was adamant yesterday that they were not going to day care. We agree that I’ll bring them over to her place on Sunday at 12 which is good because she hasn’t spent much weekend time with them. I pick them up from Sandbox Tech at 5:20. The kids both mention a few times that they do not like Wendy, the nanny and that she is boss. I take note but am not going to make any judgments at this point because she is new.
November 22nd – I realize the car payment on our Maxima bounced because Cindy’s yoga check mentioned above came out of my account unexpectedly. I send Cindy an email to let her know – I’m not really expecting her to do anything about it but want her to be aware as this kind of stuff has caused many payments to bounce over the last months.
The following email exchange occurs in the morning. Nothing really noteworthy here but I want to keep keeping tracking of them.
From: Mackenzie, Jason Sent: Saturday, November 22, 2008 7:16 AM To: The MacKenzies Subject: RE:
Hi there. Everything is fine with the girls. They just got up about 15 minutes ago and are in good spirits. I’m going to make them a skating rink today. I doubt it will freeze in time but making it will be fun too. I have the hard drive with the pictures on it because I wanted to copy them over to mine. I’ll copy the pictures from the Santa Claus parade last weekend onto it and bring it over tomorrow – they really enjoyed it.
I’m fine with bringing the girls over tomorrow at noon but I’d like to know when I can have them back as well.. I’d really like to arrange a schedule that we can work off. I’m fine with one I proposed a few weeks ago but if you have another idea let’s talk about it. I’d also like to discuss day care/Wendy. As I’ve said it’s not that they need to be in day care full time but I don’t want to take them away from there because I think it’s a good place for them. So if I can work out a 2 day a week schedule with them – possibly Tuesday and Thursday or Monday and Thursday that would be good. My financial stuff was complete on Monday and should be going over to your lawyer anytime. Mine is on holidays but he made it sound last week like a draft could go over anytime.
Good for you for going for a run. That’s hard core! I’ve been working out a lot more but going for a run at 5:30 is not in the cards for this guy.
From: The MacKenzies [mailto:firstname.lastname@example.org] Sent: Saturday, November 22, 2008 5:35 AM To: Mackenzie, Jason Subject:
Something is wrong with my phone- started sometime during the day yesterday – I took it in last night but I just checked it, I wanted to bring it with me for my run but it’s not coming on. So I wanted to send this to you to see if the girls needed anything. Try calling but if it’s not working again just send an e-mail.
It’s about 5:30 – I am going for a run and will be home for the rest of the morning at least – waiting for the bed to be delivered.
Feel free to pop by with the girls if you or they need something – if not then could you just reply to this and let me know if all is good with the girls and if it’s still tomorrow at noon that you will bring them back.
I send one more right after
Actually I’d prefer the kids were in day care 3 days a week but let’s talk about it.
The kids and I buy a Christmas tree and decorate it and go tobogganing. We had a great day. They mention again a few times that they hope Wendy doesn’t come back next week and that she is bossy and rushes them.
Cindy calls about 7:15 and we have a pleasant conversation about the day. She mentions that she plans to work tomorrow so she can take a lieu day at some point in the future. She asks if I mind keeping them until around 5pm. Obviously I don’t mind so I say sure. I then mention that we should work out a schedule as soon as possible. She says that she doesn’t like any option and that she has spoken to her lawyer but he didn’t have much input. She asks if I had talked to mine about it and I replied that it’s something we need to work out amongst ourselves. She then tells me that for sure on the weekends she has yoga training I can have them. Since this is one weekend a month I ask about the rest of the month. I’m getting a very uneasy feeling about what she is going to try to do. I remind her that I have proposed a fair schedule that is 50/50 but that I’m not wedded to the specifics. She starts to get very upset and tells me that they are “her” daughters. And that I didn’t give a shit about having in home day care a few months ago. I have no idea what this actually means. I point out that actually they are “our” daughters and she hangs up on me. I call her back and ask her what she is so upset about and she tells me that she doesn’t need me giving her attitude and hangs up on me.
I send her the following email.
From: Mackenzie, Jason Sent: Saturday, November 22, 2008 7:53 PM To: ‘The MacKenzies’ Subject: RE:
I’m not exactly sure what you are so upset about. Think about it and you need to be clear that I will never agree to them being at your place all week and me seeing them every second weekend. It’s not an issue if on days they don’t have day care if they are with a nanny as long as she is the right person. The kids have actually both complained about her numerous times this weekend. I didn’t say anything bad about her but you should be aware.
I’m now fairly sure that is what you are planning despite the fact that you have told me in the past that this wasn’t the case. I really hope it isn’t.
Here, once again, is my proposed schedule.
Week 2 M T W T F S S
J J C C C J J
C C J J J C C
I bath the kids and comb their hair. Chloe’s is getting long and a bit tangly so I cut some of the nappiness out of it. I consider getting them a hair cut but know if I do that Cindy will have a huge issue with it.
November 23 – Good day with the kids. Mel is a little sick. She has a cough but is in good spirits. Around noon she starts to get a little fussy so I put them down for a nap. They really want to go tobogganing again so we go and then go for an ice cream. By this time it is 4:30. I’m worried about the schedule for the coming week and consider keeping the kids with me because based on what Cindy has been saying I’m worried about working out a schedule after dropping them off. I decide this isn’t feasible and I really don’t want to unnecessarily escalate the situation. I drop them off at 4:50. Cindy asks me if I have fed them supper. I say no, as they typically eat at 5:30 and she tells me that good parents feed their kids. Ironically enough she then asks me if I got their hair cut – their hair was messy because of their toques from tobogganing. I ask her again for a schedule and she tells me that we’re not talking about it now and that I can come back at 8:30 to meet Wendy. I agree and leave.
I return at 8:30 and Wendy answers the door. I come in, and Cindy exits her room where as usual the kids are sleeping in her bed. Which by the way is a rather expensive looking bed as Wendy has Cindy’s. I certainly don’t care about how much she spent on a bed other than I’m sure based on her income and past history her financial situation is looking increasingly bleak.
We sit down and I ask Wendy about her references and she gives me the name of her former employer and her agent. She seems nice enough and I felt bad that she was in the middle of an awkward situation. I ask her if she has a car and Cindy tells me it’s none of my business. She tells me that she leaves on the weekends to go to a boarding place so I ask her what time she leaves on Friday and returns on Sunday. Cindy tells me that it’s none of my business. So I ask Cindy what I actually am allowed to ask and she replies that she’ll let me know. I ask a few questions about she’d handle the kids in certain situations.
So I ask Cindy about a schedule. And we agree that I will pick them up at 5:15 this Wednesday until Saturday. Cindy asks me if I have day care arranged for those days. I tell her that I will arrange it and that is why I want a schedule. She did cancel it without my awareness after all. If I have to stay home I will but I doubt that will be necessary. She asks me about my lawyer and I tell her my financial stuff is done but my lawyer is on vacation. I will call tomorrow to see about getting a draft sent over. I sent a few emails last week on the subject but they were not returned. I ask her why she is so hostile and she tells me that it’s me who is hostile. She then tells that if I was a good father then why didn’t I get their hair cuts and wipe the snot from Mel’s nose. This is totally untrue as there were completely cleaned up after ice cream 30 minutes previously. In their entire life she has never taken them tobogganing. If she dropped them off to me after sledding or some outdoor winter activities I would be really happy about that regardless of whether their hair was messy.
I tell Cindy I am considering getting another lawyer. She knows this means Judith Birchall who she thinks is some sort of overly aggressive lawyer. I don’t want to threaten her but I want her to know that I will never let her take the kids away from me. They need both of us.
She tells me it’s time for me to go. The entire visit was about 5 minutes. I ask her if she will be putting any money in my account. I remind her about the 235 that came out for her yoga last week. She tells me she has her own financial problems and that she had to pay 700 dollars to get the locks changed. There are 3 outside doors so this seems like a completely unbelievable amount of money but who knows. She also tells me that she gave me the 750 rent cheque and asks, “How many thousands of dollars have I transferred into your account?” I say “1” and she tells me to get out. But she then tells me that I am the one with brand new leather furniture and a flat screen TV. It didn’t seem like the time to remind her that I left her virtually everything in the house and the furniture was floor models and the TV is on a year no payment plan.
The money is one thing that is a concern but the much greater concern is whether she actually believes she has transferred multiple thousands of dollars into my account. Her state of mind is becoming more and more of a worry. I’m starting to consider if I should be more proactive about taking custody of the kids and seeking another legal opinion. I don’t want to have full custody because I want them to see their mom 50% of the time. But it’s more in a decision making capacity. I have no idea what to do and am considering seeking another lawyer’s opinion.
November 25 – I didn’t receive a call back from the day care regarding places for this week. I stopped there at 7 am this morning and there is no room for them. This leaves me with no other option other than them spending the day with Cindy’s nanny. I find this really upsetting and will call today to get them back on the waiting list for the day care.
I’m scheduled to pick the kids up at 5:15. I have a meeting that I can’t get out of so I call Cindy and tell her that I’ll be a bit late picking up the kids. I tell her that it will be 6:15 at the latest. Cindy tells me that she has already “covered” my day care for me and that she is getting tired of being so accommodating. She then mentions that maybe she should call CFS on me for being late just as I called them on her. I was so shocked at hearing this accusation I wasn’t sure how to respond. When I pressed her for more details she wouldn’t go into it. Obviously this caused me a tremendous amount of stress. I arrived to pick the kids up at 6.
There was someone at the door, who turned out to be a CFS worker. She was just leaving. I talked to Cindy about what was going on. Someone made an allegation that she has mental issues and drug and alcohol problems. She accused me of calling, which I can certainly understand why she would think it was me. I told her that it was not me numerous times and by the end I think she believed me. She was obviously very upset. I’m quite concerned because I have no idea who phoned and what prompted them to make that call. I actually called my mother to see if she might have phoned but she was adamant that she didn’t and I believe her.
November 26 – I decide to stay home with the kids that day. I am really worried about this allegation especially with Cindy’s past experience. I am also worried for Cindy’s mental well-being.
November 28 – I drop Chloe off at the school bus and drop Melody off at Cindy’s house. Cindy is initially friendly. I ask her about what the plan is for tonight as I have a meeting in Brampton until 4. The original plan was that I would take them until Saturday morning. Cindy gets agitated right away and tells me that if I want to talk to her about it I can follow her to Starbucks . I tell her that I need to get to work and why can we not just talk about it now. She then stands in the drive way and accuses me of calling CFS and I once again tell her I didn’t. I just decide it’s not worth arguing about and follow her to Starbucks. Melody was really upset to be left with Wendy.
I follow Cindy to Starbucks and Cindy tells me she wants the kids tonight and she is sick of accommodating me. I try to point out that I just want a schedule and actually she is the one that keeps changing it. She tells me she hardly sees the kids during the week (which has been the case for a long time). She also tells me that she wants to do a paid duty for work this weekend. We agree that she can have the kids tonight and I will pick them up at 4 Saturday and drop them with her at 4 on Sunday. I don’t really understand why she doesn’t want the whole weekend with the kids as that was the original schedule we agreed to. I tell her again that I want a schedule that we can plan around and she tells me that our lawyers are talking about it. I ask her to just tell me what she is planning and she says every second weekend. Once again she is talking about her keeping them all week and me getting every second weekend. I tell her yet again that I will never agree to that and ask her how she can possibly think that is what’s best for the kids. She accuses me of calling CFS again. I’m not going to bother denying it any more.
She actually also says that it was OK that she cancelled day care unilaterally because I cancelled the gas, hydro, TV etc. I remind her that I told her I was going to do that and that I don’t live there anymore. Is her expectation that I continue to have those things in my name? And I ask her if she actually thinks that is similar to cancelling the kids day care without speaking to me first? It was a pointless and brief conversation.
I leave and call the daycare to find out about the waiting list. It looks like Chloe can be back in January for M-W-F before and after school but Melody might be the spring. This is disappointing to say the least. I call my mom and ask her if she can come down for a few weeks. I have a few weeks off from December 19-January 5 so that should take me until then. I am awaiting a response.
November 29 – I pick the kids up from Cindy’s house at 4pm as agreed.
November 30 – Cindy calls around 3 and tells me that she’ll pick the kids up at my house at 5 instead me dropping them off at the agreed upon 4 as she is at work. I’m fine with this. Cindy ends up arriving at 5:30 as the roads were not the best. I didn’t give her a hard time as she did with me the other night because the longer I can have the kids the better. I ask again for a schedule and she says we can talk about it later – after 8. I actually fall asleep really early – around 7:45.
December 1 – Cindy had called last night around 9 but I was asleep and didn’t hear the phone. She suggests that I pick the kids up Wednesday and drop them off Thursday. I am getting very tired of this. She knows that because of her cancelling the day care that I currently don’t have any other option and that the schedule she is suggesting means that I would pick them up Wednesday night drop them off Thursday morning at her place to stay with Wendy. She also mentioned on her voice mail that she is going to work early tomorrow. I call her at 7:30 and explain that I feel her schedule is unreasonable and I would like them from Wed-Saturday morning possibly or if she wants to work something out for the weekend I am flexible. I also remind her that I have to bring the kids there during the day and that I want a reasonable schedule that we can both agree on. I have lost track of how many times I have asked for this.
At least if I have a schedule I can look at the possibility of making alternate arrangements for child care. I’m not sure yet what I want to do.
Cindy was paid last Thursday and put no money in my account. I have been paying almost all the bills for quite some time now. I’m running out of cash rapidly. I don’t bother mentioning it any more. Cindy is covering the nanny’s fees I guess.
Cindy calls at 12:30 and lets me know that she signed the kids up for gymnastics on Tuesday mornings. We discuss the kids and she suggests I take them from Friday night to Sunday morning. That’s just too long without seeing them for me. I suggest Thursday after work to Sunday morning and Cindy agrees so that is the plan. We talk about activities for the weekends and agree that either skating or swimming lessons will be good. Cindy asked me again if I called CFS. I told her that I didn’t but I certainly understood why she would think it was me. We talked briefly about it and I think she believes I didn’t do it but the uncertainty is really eating at her. Which is totally understandable. I would also like to know who called.
December 4, 2008
I pick the kids up at 4 pm. Cindy calls after they are in bed and asks me about transferring some our aeroplan miles to her. I point out while I’m not opposed to the idea, she needs to start giving me some money as I haven’t seen any for quite some time. She has also kept the rent cheque despite the fact that I am paying the mortgage. She agrees and asks me how much I want. I tell her 1000 would be a good place to start. She agrees and tells me that she’s at work but will do it when she leaves.
It’s now cold enough so I start a skating rink for the kids.
December 5, 2008
Cindy calls me and leaves me a message telling me that she didn’t get a chance to transfer the money but she will do it today. She doesn’t end up doing it.
I receive the final hydro bill from Biscayne for 575 dollars.
December 6, 2008
Cindy leaves me a message telling me she didn’t get a chance to transfer the money but will do it today. I’m losing any sense of optimism that this will take place but decide there is no point in continuing to bring it up.
We have a nice day and the kids skate outside for well over an hour.
I check at the end of the day and no money has been transferred.
December 7, 2008
We agreed that Cindy will pick up the kids at noon at my house. Cindy calls at 11:40 asking me to put them down for quiet time and asks if I can drop them off at her house at 12:15. Obviously there is no way they will nap for 20 minutes but I tell her that I’m happy to drop them off.
I drop them off at 12:15 and the house is in chaos. Bags are everywhere and Cindy is pretty stressed out as she is nowhere near being ready for the Christmas party she is taking the kids to. She asks if I can stay and entertain them which I do until 1:45. I have to admit it’s annoying seeing how much shopping she has been doing when she has yet to transfer the promised money to my account.
December 10, 2008
Confirm with Cindy that I am picking up the kids tomorrow as she hasn’t called me. She is fine with that. I meet with lawyer to sign financial statements and proposal letter.
December 11, 2008
Cindy calls to confirm that I’ll be picking the kids up tonight and tells me she’ll be signing them up for skating on Saturdays. I’m fine with this although I wasn’t planning on doing it as I made a skating rink for the kids in the back yard. But I’m sure it will be fun for them.
I plan to tell Cindy today that there will be no money in the bank account for the mortgage check unless she transfers money into the account. This financial arrangement is devastating me. The mortgage is equally her responsibility. I can appreciate that she is paying for the nanny but she has kept the tenant rent cheque which likely covers half the nanny and I am paying everything else.
December 18, 2008
I pick the kids up after work.
December 21, 2008
I drop the kids off at approximately 8:30. Cindy wants to put up her Christmas tree and asks if I will run some errands for her. She gives me some money and I go to the grocery store and to the hardware store. Things end up costing 75 more than the amount she gave me. She assures me that she will put that and more into my account on the 24th as she is getting paid and also paid out her stat time that she has banked. I’m not optimistic but we’ll see.
Cindy asks me to pick the kids up at 6 am tomorrow as that’s when she normally goes into work. I found this to be a real surprise as I know she doesn’t need to start that early. I wonder how long this has been going on. She doesn’t even make the kids breakfast on a day to day basis.
December 22, 2008
I pick the kids up at 6 am as promised. Leave for North Bay later in the day.
December 28, 2008
I return from North Bay and Cindy comes to pick the kids up at around 3 pm. After she has put them in the car I remind her that once again she has not deposited money in our joint account. She gets very agitated and tells me she’s in the red and that I can talk to her lawyer.
December 29, 2008
I pick the kids up at 6:00 am. I can’t for the life of me understand why Cindy leaves for work this early. I’m happy whenever I have the kids but getting them up this early is ridiculous. She calls me in the afternoon to say she is going to work late. She picks the kids up at 7:45 pm.
December 30, 2008
I pick the kids up at 6:30. Cindy calls to tell me she went home sick but that she still wants to have the girls tonight. She calls at 5:15 saying she’ll be over in 20 minutes. She doesn’t arrive until approximately 8pm.
I ask her why she goes to work so early all the time and she says she needs to build up lieu time.
January 1, 2009
Cindy picks the kids up at 2:30 and asks me to ensure that I am there at 6 am tomorrow to pick them up.
January 2, 2009
I pick the kids up at 6 am. Cindy picks the kids up at approximately 4:30. I ask if she is planning to deposit the rent check from the tenant into our joint account to cover the joint bills. She clearly was not planning on doing that. I explain to her that she must know that since the separation I have contributed vastly more than she has. She explained that it’s not an issue of who has covered what – she is still broke. I tell her that if she doesn’t give me the rent check then I can no longer afford to cover the mortgage. She gets very agitated and tells me that she will give me the money.
January 10, 2009 – I don’t remember the exact date but I offered Cindy an alternative financial proposal. For what it’s worth I am willing to defer any equity in the house until she chooses to sell it. My only reason for this is so that she can stay in the house.
During this time period Cindy is fine with me bringing Wendy to my house during my time with the kids. So I begin to do that. On days where I pick the kids up from Cindy’s house I also drop Wendy off at home so Cindy can have the house to herself in the evenings.
January 21, 2009 – CFS calls me at work to discuss Cindy’s situation. I am not available and call back and leave a message. I call Cindy on the way home and tell her she doesn’t need to worry about what I would say. We discuss that it wasn’t me who called them but I understand why she thought that I did. She then told me that her lawyer told her that she can’t afford the house, a nanny and can’t afford anything and asked me if I wanted to have the house. I texted her afterwards and told her that I can’t afford it either so we need to sell it.
January 22, 2009 – CFS calls. We speak for about 10 minutes. I tell them that as far as I know that Cindy is not using drugs or alcohol and that I’m not worried about the safety of the kids. Later that day I sent Cindy a text message telling her that she needs to start covering her yoga costs. She responded with a series of almost incoherent texts but the gist was that I called CFS etc. I tried to call her but she did not answer the phone. I ended up texting her telling her to reread what she had sent me as it was disturbingly disjointed. I told her that if she wanted to talk to call, otherwise formulate something that makes sense and send it over. Otherwise don’t text.
January 26th – take the kids to gymnastics
February 3, 2009 – Cindy called and I had forgotten Chloe’s blanket so I brought it back at about 7:30. We sat down as we wanted to do a schedule for the kids for the month. It quickly devolved into Cindy telling me that I was a disappointment as a husband and a father. She then told me to get out of her house. So as I was putting my boots on I asked her if she had the rent check. She told me she did but she had no intention of giving it to me. I told her that unless she did I would be making no further mortgage payments. She told me that this was just another threat and gave me the check. Interestingly enough earlier in the day I asked her what the plan was for this coming Saturday. I told her that I am more than happy to take the kids but if she wanted to take them to let me know as I was going to go skiing. When I arrived at the house she told me that plans with my friends were obviously more important to me than spending time with my friends. I remind her that I told her I was more than happy to take the kids (those exact words). She asks me if she wants her to read me the text to which I say sure and she tells me to fuck off. I had also offered to take them on Friday so she could teach a yoga class. It ended up not being necessary but I was happy to do so
She also made some allegations about me being responsible for her being sent to collections. She told me because I removed her off the credit card in August she was sent to collections by Access Fitness in Orangeville and LA Fitness in Brampton.
Cindy asks me when I want the girls. I propose the following and she is fine with it:
You have them tonight and Thursday night.
I’ll pick them up after work on Friday and drop them off Saturday morning so you can go to yoga on Friday.
I’ll pick them up Sunday morning and drop them off Wednesday morning. We can arrange something for Chloe’s bday party on Sunday. Let me know if you want to do the party or take Mel.
You have them Wed – Friday morning. I’ll pick them up Friday night and you pick them up sometime on Sunday afternoon.”
I also texted her about her comments that I was responsible for her being sent to collections:
“As for the collections issue I find your version strange Did Access not send you any mail? They sent you straight to collections with no warning? That seems unprofessional.
LA Fitness came off my credit card, not yours and I cancelled your membership there a few months ago. I informed you of it at the time. They made no mention of any outstanding balance which they would have as again – it came off my card not yours. If you have any information I’d be happy to raise it with them next time I go in.”
February 5, 2009 – I meet with Peter Parkinson. He says that he hasn’t heard from her lawyer. He will draft up a letter that will go out shortly.
February 7, 2009 – I text Cindy and ask if we can get the house on the market this week since she has mentioned she doesn’t want to keep it. I also ask her why the rent check is only 595.30 and that that is not enough. I tell her that she is going to need to start making some of the mortgage payments. Take the kids on the subway for the first time. We had a great day.
Febaruary 8, 2009 – I drop Melody off at 2 pm so I can take Chloe to a birthday party. After I pick Mel up at about 4:30 I ask Cindy what she plans to do with the house. If we are going to sell it then let’s get it listed. She tells me she wants to stay in it. I’m surprised, and disappointed. So I tell her she needs to have 460 in the account by Friday afternoon or the mortgage or it will bounce. She then tells me she is getting tired of my bullshit. She knows about my secret bank accounts and how I would let my visa run down and then pay it off. I gathered that she was somehow implying that this was coming from my secret account. That pattern of activity is definitely common with my visa – it’s my expenses from work. – not a secret account. Regardless I’m perfectly happy to make all banking information available to her. She tells me that since I want her to contribute to the mortgage that I should contribute to the nanny. I tell her if we could just settle things I’m planning on contributing to the nanny. She tells me she has transferred all kinds of money to my account. I asked her if she knows how much – because I do. She tells me no – she lets her lawyer handle that.
She also tells me that my requirements keep changing. First the rent cheque every month was enough now I am telling her that she needs to contribute to the mortgage. I don’t bother pointing out that the rent check is nowhere near enough and it was her deciding that she wanted to keep the house that made me ask her to contribute to the mortgage. She tells me to get out and that my lawyer has been served on Friday.
When I get home I send the following text to her:
I actually do empathise with your situation. You don’t need to text me back telling me not to text you – unless you want to of course.
For your information, since November this is what I have covered per month. I don’t think asking you to chip in a few mortgage payments is unreasonable. Its too bad that you do.
You have transfered 1000 dollars into my account twice although you kept the December rent check. So really you have given me nothing more than Toms rent check.
Mortgage 1500 My rent 1250. Consolidation Loan 860 Leverage Loan 400 Your yoga 270 Car Insurance for both cars 250 Your house insurance 60 Maxima Payment 440 My student Loan 275 Line of Credit – 500 Paid off joint 1500 gas bill Paid off joint 550 hydro bill.
February 9, 2009
I pick Wendy up in the morning to bring her over to my house. I ask her how her weekend was and she says it wasn’t very good at all. Cindy accused her of stealing her wedding ring. I tell her that Cindy has also accused me of this in the past so I wouldn’t worry about it. She also mentioned that Cindy has not paid her since the 24th of December at which point she paid her for work up to and including December 18, 2008. This was news to me and quite surprising.
I take Wendy home early and take Melody for her allergy test in Newmarket.
Cindy calls me to tell me that I should just bring Wendy and the kids to my house on Tuesday as the plumber is going to be in all day fixing the toilets. I don’t believe this of course but have no way of proving otherwise.
I receive a letter from Cindy’s lawyer which makes it clear that Cindy is opening my mail without my permission or knowledge. I forgot to transfer the statement to my new address. He references some transactions on my card. I call Cindy and ask her why she thinks its OK to do that. She actually thinks that I still have a mailbox key I have been coming around and checking the mail. This is totally false.
February 10, 2009
I pick Wendy up and bring her to my house. We talk about how long she is going to work without being paid. She doesn’t say much and it’s obvious she’s not sure what to do. This concerns me as I don’t know what is going to happen. She also told me that Cindy is very demanding and there are so many cleaning tasks to do during the day that she doesn’t get enough time to play with the kids. She’s not necessarily negative about this, just stating it as fact. She also mentioned that her contract says that her primary responsibility is the kids along with “light” housekeeping. She also mentions that she told Cindy the previous week that if Cindy is so dissatisfied with her that she is OK with breaking the contract and moving on.
Cindy calls me and tells me she won’t be able to pick the kids up from my place until 6:30pm.
I tell Cindy that I will be travelling from March 4-8 and ask if we can make arrangements for the girls. February 11
I call Wendy to again try to get a better sense of how long she is planning to work without getting paid. After some initial confusion I realize that Cindy fired Wendy on Tuesday night. I call Cindy to ask where the kids are. She tells me they are with the babysitter. I ask which babysitter. She says, “Rhoda”. I am very upset with this. I ask Cindy why she has again done this without talking to me. She tells me that she has a documented list of Wendy’s shortcomings. Which prompts the question, “If she was so bad why is this the first I am hearing about it??”
I want to be clear that my experiences with Wendy have been nothing but positive. She is a hard worker that did a great job when she was at my house. My intention is still for them to be at Sandbox Tech. They are still on the waiting list.
I tell Cindy that she needs to pay the mortgage and she tells me that she will take care of it this week. I give her the number for MCAP – our mortgage holder when she asks.
February 12 – We agree that I will pick up the kids on Friday after work and bring them back Sundy so we can both spend some time over the long weekend with them. Cindy then changes her mind and would rather spend Friday night with them and I will have them from Saturday morning to Monday. Which is fine with me although she won’t get to spend much of the long weekend with them.
Febrauary 14 – I meet Cindy at McDonald’s. I am taking the kids to my parents. I tell her I need the kid’s snow pants. She looks at me and asks me what I have done with their snow pants as I didn’t bring them over when I dropped the kids off. I remind her she picked the kids up from my house on Tuesday.
She tells me I might as well keep the kids until Tuesday morning
We got back to the house on Biscayne and attempt to work out a schedule which goes typically poorly. She reviews the schedule I have proposed and tells me it’s a joke. She also tells me I am not allowed to use the new nanny. So I remind her, again, that a schedule is imperative so I can arrange my own child care.
She gets very agitated, makes all her typical nonsensical allegations and throws me out.
I leave for North Bay. I text her asking if she paid the mortgage and she tells me she called the bank on Friday and they told her it had already been paid. I ask her if she will be transferring the 468.22 back into my account. She asks if I will be contributing to the child care – unaware that I know she has not paid Wendy since Dec. 18. These financial discussions are so absurd.
February 15 – we exchange texts at night. Cindy asks me to bring the kids back on Monday (16th) at 5. I say sure – we had agreed Tuesday morning. Regardless – I want her to spend time with the girls on the weekend. She is appreciative.
February 16 –
Cindy asks me to bring them by at 4 and I say sure. She responds with the following text:
“Awsome. Thank you. See you at five. Thanks Boo means a lot especially today.”
Great day with the girls. Took them to the YMCA in the morning and the Reptile Zoon in the afternoon. I dropped the kids off at 5pm as promised. We worked out a schedule up until March 22nd.
I realize that purchases have been made out of our account. I ask Cindy about it. She responds that she did it because she was mad at me and knows it was childish. I point out to her this caused our consolidation loan to bounce. She tells me she will put the money back in tomorrow.
February 17 – Cindy puts the 300 dollars back into the account. I take the girls to gymnatistics in the morning and bring them back to Cindy’s house afterwords.
February 19 – Cindy tells me Rhoda not available tomorrow.
Talk briefly to Wendy. She has a new job and that after talking to Cindy her agent said she could not work for me. That was my plan until the openings become available at Sandbox Tech. Wendy says she often worked 6 am -8 pm. I ask her Wendy Cindy usually leaves for work and she said between 5:45 and 6 most days. This jives with what Cindy has told me but I just don’t understand why she leaves so early. I tell Wendy that if she wants to use me for a reference she can and wish her luck.
Pick the kids up at 5:10. Chloe and Mel tell me that Rhoda doesn’t play with them very much because she has so much cleaning to do. She also comments that mommy leaves for work so early every day and hardly sings them lullabies at night any more. Cindy has yoga this weekend.
February 20 – Stay home to spend time with the kids.
February 21 – Mortgage payment bounces. I ask Cindy about it and tell her that I thought she was going to be making some payments. She doesn’t respond. Other than that I have a good day with the kids. I take them swimming.
February 22 – I take the kids swimming again. When I’m putting Chloe to bed she starts to cry. I ask her what’s wrong and she says that she doesn’t understand why I always get them early but mommy leaves for work so early and has meeting at night with her friends and only gets kisses after they go to bed. She cried that she spends so much time with the babysitter. Aside from it being heartbreaking I didn’t realize how late Cindy works. I sent her the following text message with the following response.
Jason: No need to respond to this – you need to be aware. Chloe started crying today because she can’t understand why she spends so much time with a babysitter and I come and get her early but you have so many meetings with friends and work that you only kiss her in bed.
I know how early you leave for work – which is bad enough. I can’t see Chloe making this up so if there is truth to it – get your priorities straight and fix it.
Until you start making mortgage payments I’m done. We’re already down 1 from yesterday.
Cindy: Thank yourself for Chloes tears Your choice for me to go back to work. Chloe does not have a pd day on Saturday No school on Saturdays
This is so strange to me I’m not sure where to begin. Firstly – Cindy going back to work was her choice. She started back at the end of September when we knew we were splitting up. She had been on disability since January 2008. Secondly, we are divorcing and have been separated for 4 months now. Of course she would go to work.
February 24 – Cindy calls me to see if I can take the kids on Thursday night because she wants to do a paid duty. She also tells me that she doesn’t have the nanny on Friday because she told her she could have the day off. This is despite the fact that we have a schedule.
I tell Cindy that I will for sure pick them up on Thursday night and I’ll let her know about Friday.
February 25 – I tell Cindy that I will work from home on Friday in order to be with the kids. She tells me that she has it taken care of. I respond and say that that’s fine although if she is going to do a paid duty I’d rather pick the kids up on Thursday as she’s not going to be there anyway. She tells me it’s taken care of and she’ll drop Mel off at 12. She is going to take Chloe to a birthday party.
Here is the text message she sent me: “No need. Ill drop mel at yr place @12Sat, Chloe @5.”
February 26 – Our lawyers meet and it’s very unproductive. The end result is that Cindy expects me to:
Transfer the house to her and give up any rights to the equity
Take on all joint debt other than the Nissan Maxima.
The other result is that her lawyer tells my lawyer that I have basically been seeing them every second weekend. This is completely untrue. I have been with them at least 50% of the time. Aside from the fact that when Cindy does have them she is at work most of the time. Her lawyer also mentions that after our current schedule with goes to March 22nd that Cindy is not willing to be as flexible. I’m not sure what this means but it convinces me even more that she is planning to attempt to get custody of the kids. Which is unfortunate. I almost never work late and can always drop the kids off and pick them up at daycare at a reasonable hour. I can always take Chloe to the school bus in the morning as well. Plus I have proven over the years that I have been much more of the primary caregiver.
I register the kids for dance lessons beginning on march 28.
I check the bank account and there appears to be an issue with our chequing account. I call the bank and they say they can’t tell by the computer but the account may have been closed. So I text Cindy and ask her and she says that yes she closed the account. I ask her why and she responds that she “didn’t want it any more”. This is the account that all our joint bills come out of. And a few are scheduled to come out over the next few days. I just can’t believe she has done this. When I tell her about the joint obligations that come out of this she says, “Well, I guess you should reopen it then” She also took 110 dollars out of the account that was in there to cover the leverage loan payment.
The following dialogue took place via text:
Jason: Did you close the account at CIBC by any chance?
Jason: You need to put the money you took out back in and reopen the account. Why would you possibly do this? Mortage, leverage loan, car loan, my student loan, house insurance come out of that account. The money that was in there is from my pay cheque. What did you think would happen if you closed it??
Jason: Got your letter from the lawyer. That is not at all the schedule we agreed to and you know that. I’ll be going off the original schedule that was agreed to on February 16th.
Cindy: I don’t want the hassle of sharing things with you closed account to get my name off of it. Mortgage is set up to come out of my account
Cindy: Since I am covering last week the 87 charge bounce fee and this week and no doubt you’ll offer nothing to contribute in the futur get
Cindy: Over the hundred dollars that was in the account. If you want to continue your nickle and time rants how about my having no access to our
Cindy: “Joint” account and visa last summer so I had to take out a visa to repair the taurus you smashed and get it certified. E tested. Advertized
Cindy: And sold and the entire amount all went on the sydenham loan.
Perhaps I have been far to generous thus far. Let’s just set a court date.
I receive a letter from Cindy’s lawyer on Friday afternoon that amongst other things makes the following statement about the where the kids will be.
Nothing should surprise me anymore her making this unilateral decision to change the agreed to schedule is very upsetting. I call Peter Parkinson and he tells me she can’t do this and that he will send a letter to her lawyer. I go to Judith Birchall’s office and manage to get my appointment moved up one day.
I call my mother and she agrees to come down for as long as necessary. As I have mentioned numerous times Cindy will not provide me with a set schedule.
I wait until 12:10. Cindy and I agreed that she would drop Melody off at 12 based on her email on Wednesday morning. The following dialogue occurred via text:
Jason: You said on Wednesday morning that you’d have Mel here at 12:
“No need. Ill drop mel at yr place @12Sat, Chloe @5.”
Cindy: If you would have stuck around for the full meeting with the lawyers you would have had a clear understanding of the visitation revisions.
Cindy: Perhaps you need to speak with your lawyer. Not my problem.
Jason: When are you dropping Melody off?
Cindy: 1pm the movie theatre.
Jason: What? What are you talking about? Please bring her here as agreed.
Jason: Please drop Melody off here as we agreed to.
Jason: Are you dropping Mel off as agreed to on the 16th and confirmed by you Wednesday or not?
I tried to contact her by phone but she did not answer. At least she has admitted that there are visitation “revisions” which she made unilaterally. First of all – my time with the kids is not “visitation”. The original schedule we had agreed to had her dropping the kids here at 2 and me dropping them off Tuesday evening.
At 1:06 pm I received the following texts:
Cindy: One thing at a time. Your daughter is waiting here for you at the theater Been here since 1. Just like noted at the lawyers. Its now 1:20
Cindy: I will no longer bend to your every whim. We will wait until 130 and then Mel will come to Victorias party with Chloe and I. Will bring 2U@5
There was no agreement about meeting at the movie theater at 1pm. I can’t imagine where she got this idea from. You can see up the page that her revised schedule indicated that she was going to drop off the kids at 5:30.
When I get there I put the kids stuff in the car and Cindy leans in the window and asks what time on Tuesday I am dropping the girls off. I tell her in the evening. We agree on 7. Of course this was the original agreement of February 16th but contrary to what she indicated in the letter from her lawyer. Her behaviour is growing increasingly bizarre. She leans in the window in front of Mel and says, “The offer from my lawyer on Thursday is off the table. I’ll see you in court”